..i'm an official...HYPER-QUEEN!!!!..all hail!!!..=)

Friday, May 13, 2005

huh...today was total doomsday...like totally...all hell is breaking loose...now its 10.44...and i cant sleep...so i tot i'd blog coz my mom's asleep...before i tok abt today...let's see wad happened yesterday...i satyed at home the whole day...quite boring ah... the first thing i did wen i woke up was to call maria... and we toked and toked and toked...then she had to go... and i called haseenah... but she wasn at home...i called her abt three times but she wasn at home... crap la... then i was like toking to mar and glorie on and off... a few mins here and there... then shermaine called me... for like the first time... and we toked and toked and toked... so fun i tell u... gossip2 oni la we all...hehe...me and my mom are still not toking... its almost a week already...ya so...tt was it...a boring day... oh ya, but i managed to tell maria the story of kuch kuch hota hai... and im lending her the vcd on monday...and i watched it and priyamana thozhi too...

as for today...friday the 13th...my dad's bdae...and my granny as in my dad's mom had a stroke... damn suay man...we were all so upset...my dad is like there now...he was so sad... and he smiled oni wen he saw my gift... my grandma had foam coming out if her mouth and all tt k...so scary rite...hopefully nth drastic happens and shez in like the intensive care unit...no wait... the high dependancy unit...wadever it is...its scary and i dun wan anything to happen to her man..

.after all tt shock...my mom gets so petty over th fact tt i din get her a mom's day gift... i already told her the day b4 tt its exam period and i wun be doing anything and yet she got so unhapppy over this... she was like totally shouting and i was like totally shouting back while crying... and then she said tt my marks will sure drop coz i tok too long on the phone and wen i told her tt i bought her a gift, she asked me to throw it away...how wld i feel??... and she has to do this to me one hour b4 i leave the hse to go for choir... and i juz hugged my pillow and cried...so hard and so much... i din noe wad to do... i felt so lonely... it was a feeling tt i wld never forget... i was so upset... and as i cried i kept thinking of everything else and my pointless life and i juz cuoldn stop crying k... and i couldn even call anyone coz all mar has and glor was like in guides...and there was no one else... although b4 tt me and shermaine were toking non stop and we broke our own record of how long we toked...tt was the oni good thing tt happened in the day i think...ya...so back to me crying...i was like lying in the bed huggin my pillow frm 11.15 to 11.45... and then i juz changed and left the hse..i got so pissed...

and then i walked to the interchange to meet fatin and shermaine... but then i was too early so i went to guradian and boght some moiturisers for my hair and all...loreal is so expensive k... but quite good ah...i bought it anywae...at least im putting my saving to good use...and i juz realised i have enuff for gloria's and sandhya's bdae...thank god...oh wait...i still have my sister to buy for...die la...wth...y so many bdaes on the same day...wth...ya, so...i did some shopping on my own...its kinda nice coz then u can take all the time in the world to choose ur stuff...and i was doing juz tt...then i went to mr.bean shop to buy soya bean milk...and i went to meet them...choir was ok la...not tt draggy... but i felt so unwelcome in the com meeting... nvm ah... price i gotta pay for being in he com... and then wen we were in the bus to go home...my tummy was totally rumbling...coz of the fite...i left home widout eating and the oni thing keeping me going was tt soya bean crap tt i bought... sher was also hungry coz her mom was not home to cook for her...so we decided to go to mac's...our historical location... and we sat at that very same place for the third time alreaady...cool ah... hehe... then we din have to do anything... we juz sat there and this lady took our orders and we juz had to pay...so fun rite... like as if we are in some fancy restaurant... ya, then i went home so late...i din wanna go home...if i had a choice i wld have ran away...but i got no where to go to la... sheesh...ya...then toked to haseenah and maria and gloria...haseenah mostly la...i tried my best to forget everything and be as cheerful as possible wen i was toking to them... and like choir was helping alot... i managed to take my mind off wad's happening at home...but everytime im alone...i feel so unwanted...y??... its such a bad feeling...

and i was waiting and waiting and waiting but nth happened...so sad...and no so late...no chance already la... its like i dun wanna be at home...its jail k... oni wen im wid my friends like s.h.m.d.s. and others like gloria and sandhya and chayana then i manage to cheer up...and i realise tt im always the one hu's the most talkative... coz i finally feel loose and not locked up... i cant wait for school on mon... i can take this ...its torture... and i wanna see his face... i miss him already... but like its no pt...coz i have alreayd made myself realise tt i am asking for the impossible and there is no way in hell my dream will come true... its like im totally wasting my time, my effort and most importantly, my tears on him...coz he doesn give two hoots abt me...i cant live without him but it seems to me tt he cant live without her...i noe all these things but y doesn my heart wanna listen to me??... im tyring... actually, im not... i dunno wad to do... i dun wan my heart to listen and yet i do... will i ever be loved??... its sth i will pay any price for...im super jinxed man... finally i've found someone i cry for day and nite, someone i saw some hope wid but now its all crashed, gone down the drain.... my love is and will always be one sided and unrequitted.....good nite ppl...

so basically in the diff paragraphs u can see y today was doomsday... although it does look like i had fun..i cried so much..and...it was juz my outer sheild and my brave front tt is helping me take my mind off stuff... my relationships wid alot of ppl is going down the drain...i hope things will improve... i wan my mom to tok to me... i wan him to tok to me...hu am i trying to kid??...these will never happen in the near future man...at least i noe the latter wunt... but im still gonna try and tok to my mom... she cant be tt heartless...i came out of her for goodness sake...she cant possibly disown me rite.....so ya...inside im juz totally waiting for the time to break down...any moment now... i cant wait to be ard ppl again...i love everyone hu loves me...thx for being there!!!

divvie my life 10:42 PM